Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's leading hosts used their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas tune directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits international individuals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. An official page pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A quick thought for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.